Prostitute? Sure Payment? Sugar cubes
by Gin-san needs his parfait
Summary: Small snippets of what I imagine Gintoki would be like in Soul Society. He meets a few interesting personalities and forges the kind of odd bonds he is so apt at creating.
1. Chapter 1

**Kisuke**

Yoruichi grins at him like the cheshire cat she is. "It always was just a matter of time, Kisuke."

He gifts her with a large grin and fans his face. "No one can resist me."

Sakata Gintoki ignores them in favour of his newest discovery in Soul Society: the candy Urahara Kisuke made as a by-product of the mod-soul development. His blissfully happy expression tells Kisuke that perhaps he should have forgone becoming a Shinigami and instead turned to being a humble candy-store owner.

"I do think it's the sweets that attracted him, though," she teases as she watches the white-haired man indulging in his favourite pastime. "I've never seen a grown man make that face over treats before."

Slyly hiding his grin behind his fan he says: "That face isn't exclusively reserved for my candy balls, though."

She barks out a laugh, "Now don't go telling stories, Kisuke. Our spar earlier this morning indicated you were more on the receiving and of any candy handed out."

He loves her. How can he not love this woman?

"Bring him with you next time. I think I'd like to see exactly what your newest _toy_ is capable of," she casts a teasing glance at Gintoki who looks up as she proclaims him a plaything.

He does the unexpected, grins widely and stupidly like she's just done something wonderfully in his favour, eyes her up and down appraisingly and answers her in a way Kisuke will commit to his eternally undying set of memories where Yoruichi Shihounin was embarrassed. "Is that an offer for me to taste _your_ set of candies, princess? You didn't have to phrase it like it was something to be hidden. You see, it's entirely natural to be _interested_ in your friend's playthings. After all, you always did share everything, didn't you? And there's plenty of me for you to have a bite as well," he winks at her.

Her look of disbelief as she stares at him is wonderful. Kisuke only wonders how it is that this man has them figured out completely after having interacted with them for one day. "Kisuke, what…"

But Gintoki has already popped another piece of the strawberry flavoured sugar in his mouth and returned to sighing happily.

 **Yumichika**

It's the head of white hair that garners his attention. The broad back beneath the black shirt is also pleasing to regard. He wonders at the odd way the man wears his yukata on only one shoulder. Perhaps the man had pulled a muscle or something the like. Though the man is slouching against the bar on a barstool he possesses a quiet sort of grace. Yumichika thinks the man used to be a soldier, a leader of men before he came to Soul Society.

Yumichika is intrigued. He pulls a surprised Ikkaku into the bar with him. They order sake whilst Yumichika tries to inconspicuously make out the stranger's features. He cannot imagine what sort of face the man would have with that mess of white on his head. He eyes the broad, scarred hand that covers the half of his face that Yumichika would have seen from that angle. Evidently, he's been in plenty of bare-knuckled fights. Yumichika regards the curly strands on the stranger's head more closely and notes that it would for its apparent frizz be very soft to the touch.

A bumbling fight between two of the patrons blocks his view. The display is most unbeautiful. He's about to tell Ikkaku to rid the place of them when the white haired man gets up, sways drunkenly and takes them out in an instant. There's not even any property damage. He turns back to his seat at the bar and Yumichika sees a very bored visage with a straight sharply cut nose, a smooth curve of slack lips, prominent cheekbones and half-lidded wine red eyes.

Yumichika… is not appalled.

He watches as the master of the bar silently slides over a bottle of sake that the man accepts in a manner that suggests they have established a routine of sorts. The man takes care of the disturbances and receives sake in compensation. Not a bad deal, he supposes, for a man with little other means to pay for his drink.

Ikkaku, who has finished off the sake whilst Yumichika checks out the white haired man, eyes the free sake said man received enviously. He seems to think the man a laid-back person what with the lazy expression, the halfway put on yukata and the white frizz. Yumichika does not doubt he is, however, the man is clearly there to drown his sorrows. One does not come between a man and his sake when said man is drinking to forget.

He does wonder what it is the man wishes to forget. After all, every soul arriving to Soul Society forgets their previous lives within the first few days and he has evidently come to an arrangement with the barkeep. Not one to debate an idea for very long, Ikkaku gets up from his chair and sidles up to the man. He is not acknowledged. Slightly irritated he clears his throat. No reaction.

He does it again, pointedly. A pinky is shoved up one nostril. Yumichika does not know what to think. Perhaps he should revise his earlier opinion of the man's innate grace. It appears to have fled the scene.

The barkeep snorts, shakes his head and leaves Ikkaku to it. He has apparently witnessed similar displays before.

The man sips his sake unperturbed after flicking his boger in Ikkaku's general direction. Ikkaku manages to dodge just so. He is sputtering mad. "Oi!"

Nothing indicates the man has heard Ikkaku. His sake is almost empty. Another pinky is shoved up his nose. Ikkaku steps closer, an imposing figure net to the slouching man. Yumichika watches in amusement as the white haired stranger wipes his boger on Ikkaku's yukata. Ikkaku's face is hilarious.

It is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

 **Ikkaku**

Once they are done a few walls have been destroyed that the permy bastard informs the owners of he can fix for a few sugar cubes. Ikkaku has of course sensed the reiatsu surrounding the man during their fight, but why is he not in the academy? He certainly looks young enough and his sword skills are exceptional. Ikkaku would dare judge them to be on par with the captain's.

He asks. He sees a flash of pain in wine red eyes. "Waiting on someone," is all he receives as an answer.

 **Tetsuzaemon**

Tetsuzaemon is following Ikkaku and Yumichika. Why? Without his drinking buddy aka sparring partner from the eleventh things in the seventh have admittedly become rather boring. He naturally decided to investigate why Ikkaku stopped showing up unannounced whilst Yumichika was off doing something involving beauty. He also ignored the faint sensation of abandonement.

He is surprised to see them turn into a run-down (unbeautiful) bar that he could have sworn Yumichika would not even have bothered to sniff at condescendingly. After waiting a short while he enters the establishment covertly. He sweeps his eyes across the patrons and is met with a wine coloured dead-fish-stare that slides away lazily to look at Yumichika to the man's left who has made a remark that Ikkaku rolls his eyes at.

They are drinking with the white haired man with the dead-fish eyes. They are joking with him. They good naturedly accept the teasing and needling he does.

Ikkaku spars with him in broad daylight in the middle of the street. He is beaten down easily, even with his shikai active. Why is this man not in the Gotei 13?

 **Kisuke**

There had never been much room for secrets within the Gotei 13. Even less so after the Vizored had been hollowfied. It was because of this fact that Urahara Kisuke decided to establish a system of communication with Sakata Gintoki. He was neither willing to relinquish their connection, nor was he willing to allow the man to catch the eye of other high ranking Shinigami.

The solution to this: he developed the phone for Shinigami to use and so had a method of setting up meetings with the sugar addict.

He was surprised to discover that Gintoki already knew how to handle a cell phone and was pleased to learn that Gintoki had lived in close proximity with a young girl named Kagura who had been enthusiastic about finding three phones (in the excrements of her large dog) and had made both Gintoki and Shinpachi use theirs. Kisuke was certainly even more surprised when Gitoki made him bring money to him for gambling purposes, texted him rather useless knowledge of what he thought of his opponents and the one Shinigami who felt the need to patrol in Gintoki's favoured district of rukongai.

It was rather amusing up until he almost laughed loudly and conspicuously at this one text about being lucky he could no longer become a diabetic as a soul in a captain's meeting. This was when he brought Yoruichi in on it.

The innuendo-laden text messages exchanged were a welcome distraction from the guilt Kisuke felt for being the one to develop the method of turning Shinigami into Vizored in the first place.

 **Gintoki**

"You do realise they're Shinigami, don't you?" the punk asks incredulously, angrily, and Gintoki finds himself reminded of that one time when he'd been asked what he wanted with that piss-poor excuse for a noble Takasugi. He stares as blankly as he had back then and employs his most useful skill for dealing with angry young men. Gintoki has always found his innate ability to rile anyone up by doing absolutely nothing but staring at them rather handy. The punk is steadily losing his already flimsy composure and furthers his lack of decorum by haughtily sneering at both Ikkaku and Yumichika.

"Y'know," Ikkaku says then, "Fer a noble yer brother was alright."

The bald (shaven, Gintoki-kun, shaven!) man says nothing more, stares no longer at the kid than it takes to utter the only kind of compassion he has to offer and sips his sake in a very un-Ikkaku-like manner, with reverence and posture. The punk both hates and loves Ikkaku instantaneously, left sputtering by the Shinigami's words. Yumichika, amused despite himself – no doubt due to the toll the amount of sake they've consumed takes – relaxes on Gintoki's other side as he watches the proceedings.

"Not that I don't appreciate the concern, Ganju-kun," Gintoki finally drawls, taking perhaps a Sougo kind of level of pleasure at the constipation on the punk's face as he puts slight emphasis on the suffix, "But I can assure you, I am with these two only for the _pleasure_ of their," he casts a sidelong glance at Yumichika, "Esteemed company."

He does not hold back the idiotic grin he taught Kagura long ago as he witnesses the punk's blush at his insinuations. He loves Ikkaku for very blatantly slipping a pouch of sugar cubes into his yukata. The punk's eyes following the movement become impossibly wide. "Y-you're whoring yourself out for sugar cubes?" the punk shouts, "To Shinigami?" he adds almost hastily, having momentarily forgotten that he is the 'Shinigami Hater #1'.

Gintoki's grin stretches further on his face as Yumichika decides to join the fray, "What else would he be prostituting himself for?" Gintoki can hear Shinpachi sputter as Sakamoto laughs obnoxiously and Kagura accuses him of forgetting to barter for her pickled seaweed in the back of his mind. He faintly remembers Tsukuyo and shudders mentally at the memory of a drunken Courtesan of Death. That woman was delightfully scary in her less coherent moments. Not that she was ever not scary, but her loss of clothing when drunk was always delightful.

The punk, seemingly catching on that he is being taken the mickey out of, eyes them uncertainly, "Why d'you fix up 'em roofs then, if you've got such… filling work?"

One take note of the eloquence the young noble displays.

"'Cause, Ganju-kun," he loves how he can needle the punk further by calling him that, "I'm a man of very many talents," how he managed to make that sound sultry even Gintoki doesn't know.

The punk has some fighting spirit left, it seems, for he retorts – snarkily at that – with a scathing remark along the lines of Gintoki's perm keeping all other potential customers at bay.

It is then that Gintoki notes Kisuke's presence behind the punk, cheery grin in place, captain's haori nowhere in sight, replaced by a casual green yukata and resting Benihime inconspicuously in his hand. He steps closer, ignores the punk entirely, grins openly at both Ikkaku and Yumichika who are definitely tense with the captain of the twelfth squad this close.

"Sakata-san," Kisuke greets, "Ikkaku-kun, Yumichika-kun, what a lovely coincidence to meet you here."

Gintoki nods at him and shoves his pinky up his left nostril. He delights the slight tremble in Ikkaku's voice, "Yes, coincidence, lovely, yes, Yumichika?"

The punk is watching the proceedings aptly, unperturbed at being ignored. He knows Kisuke, Gintoki realises, and seems to admire him. Curious, that. Kisuke _is_ a Shinigami after all.

"Urahara-taichou," Yumichika greets with a regal nod and Gintoki flicks his boger at him. It narrowly misses the glossy hair, and only because Yumichika is used to sneak attacks. The haughty glare he sends Gintoki is reciprocated by dead-fish eyes.

"Sakata-san," Kisuke says playfully, "I have procured a new flavour that you might find to be of the rather…" he casts an amused glance at the punk, knowing fully well that he will believe Gintoki is a prostitute when he is finished speaking, "pleasurable variety."

Gintoki allows his interest to openly show on his face and smiles, "I have always found it hard to tell you no, haven't I?" his tone is suggestive and leaves the punk no room – or is it every room – for imagination. Kisuke smiles brightly, "Of course, Sakata-san. I have never had trouble with securing affirmative responses."

Ikkaku shifts uncomfortably next to Gintoki, no doubt thinking of when Kisuke had been in charge of the Maggot's Nest.

 **Yumichika**

Yumichika watches in parts amused, parts incredulous at the connection between those two, parts baffled as he watches Gintoki leave side by side with the one captain that never fails to raise Yumichika's caution. The young Shiba is gaping after them. He is undoubtedly still befuddled by Gintoki's prostitution. Yumichika notes absently how very few of the patrons are not openly looking in their direction.

He also takes note of Ikkaku laughing his arse off in a rather undignified manner. "Sleeping with bloody Urahara-taichou," he gasps, "Knew he was going about with someone, but the bleeding scientist? That's gotta be the funniest combo in history. The perm-headed sweets-addict and the resident hat-n-clogs."

Yumichika, never one to keep silent when he has a point to make gains Ikkaku's attention with a slight shift in his posture. "You realise that Urahara-taichou is rumoured to be _close_ with Shihounin-taichou, yes?"

Ikkakus stops laughing. "You don't think…?"

The youngest Shiba has already understood what Yumichika is implying and chokes on his own spit. How very unbeautiful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Kisuke**

He is exiled. Kisuke can only think of how he would get to be a sweet-shop-owner now. This is not helping his situation even marginally because grinning like an idiot at how often he can coerce Gintoki into visiting with that sort of business is not appropriate at all. But when has he ever been appropriate?

Kisuke grins. Madly. He likes to think some of the captains shiver at that. The Captain Commander looks uncomfortable in a stern and disapproving way. That is really all Kisuke can ask for as a farewell gift.

Yoruichi barely holds back her eyeroll at his thoughts. She probably imagines how he will take Sakata Gintoki with him to… sell him his sweets. Instead, she casts a glance Aizen Sousuke's way and Kisuke is reminded of why exactly he gets to become a humble sweets-shop-owner. He is now quite glad that Gintoki never joined the Gotei13 and never will.

… (a while later) …

Apparrently not being part of the Shinigami did not stop Aizen from putting his filthy, grubby fingers to Gintoki's perfect form and making him a Vizored. Kisuke cannot help but think that Gintoki's mask quite appeals to him – despite its despicable, lying origins. But then again, Gintoki is also a despicable liar. So the lines of sharp teeth bared in an inhumanly wide grin of 'troll' (as the kids say these days, Kisuke has picked up some of the more trendy lingo though his employees) fit Gintoki quite well.

He has achieved neither Shikai, nor Bankai. Kisuke finds it oddly charming that after everything Gintoki is still enough himself to be too lazy to find out the name of his Zanpakutou. He seems fine without the knowledge, too, as he takes on four Espada at once.

… (a little while later) …

"So", Ichigo has the gall to ask, "Who's your friend?", the carrot-top smirks like he's not a fraction of their age and eyes them in an openly suggestive manner. At least he's not dense enough not to notice when two people are fucking each other. It's a little step away from noticing other people's interest in himself.

Gintoki, ever the definition of decorum, flicks a boger at Ichigo as he flips the page of his manga. Ichigo scowls in his direction as he eyes the offending ball of snot on the hem of his too-tight t-shirt, most certainly debating wether or not he wanted to brush it off or not touch it at all. Perhaps throw away the threadbare thing. Or light it on fire. Kisuke has a feeling Gintoki would sniff out these thoughts and assist proactively.

"Kurosaki-kun", Kisuke says, smiling, "This is Sakata Gintoki", he eyes the teenager in the doorway and decides to stir his thoughts up a bit. He has no desire to see his shop on fire. "Gin-chan", he enjoys both the twitch of Gintoki's left most tow and Ichigo's gaping mouth, "This is Kurosaki Ichigo."

Gintoki lifts his head from the couch at that and sizes up the teenager still impersonating a fly trap. "The one with the living and breathing body."

Kisuke briefly wonders if he's seen a living body that doesn't breathe before, but before he can ask, Gintoki stands in a fluid motion, not at all helping the dumbstruck teenager and takes measure of the fluctuating Reiatsu the teen has no control over. He shoves a pinky up his nose. Ichigo narrows his eyes in suspicion. It is confirmed when Gintoki flicks another boger at him. The teen dodges swiftly.

Kisuke has a suspicion, also. He shunpos behind Ichigo, catches the snotball in a tissue paper and throws it out the window. It explodes in an earth-shaking explosion. How Gintoki manages this is beyond him.

"You gotta get that temper under control, kid", Gintoki says and gifts him with that wide grin of his. Ichigo, of course, loses his already hot temper. He remains silent, however, conscious of the fact that Gintoki in his normal state had easily taken on Grimmjow without his mask, Shikai, or Bankai. More than could be said for Ichigo in any of the above.

Gintoki, quite aware of what he's doing turns to Kisuke. "You got a Gigai for me?"

Kisuke smiles coyly. "How will you pay me for it?"

Renji, who has watched from his corner shoots a warning glance at Gintoki. Gintoki's half-lidded eyes, however, rove over Kisuke's form and his slow smile is answer enough. Even Ichigo understands it and begins to cough violently as he colours beetroot-red. Renji has gone very still. He is probably in the process of realising that he too, could have paid for his seconds with certain favours.

"How about a re-enacting of that time you promised me an endless supply of sweets if I could show you something special?"

Kisuke's breath hitches. He pulls his hat over his eyes to hide his dilating pupils. "Acceptable", he knows he's not fooling anyone, but he grins anyway.

 **Ichigo**

Ichigo can't decide what to make of the lazy perm head. He reads manga, picks his nose, uses the resulting snot as a grenade, is a sugar-addict, loves strawberry milk, is generally hard to get a read on and is sleeping with Urahara Kisuke. That last bit had to be the most mind-boggling thing about the man. Ichigo had never even noted the way the shopkeeper could be attractive until that day he had seen them barter for a Gigai.

Now it is a couple days later and he can't understand why the man wants to visit his home. His dad never even looked at him funny when Ichigo introduced Sakata Gintoki as his newly acquired friend. Karin took to him immediately, in a hostile and glary kind of way. That's how she shows affection and interest. Yuzu was delighted by his curly hair and tentatively asked if she could braid it.

Gintoki is sitting in the floor in front of the couch on which Yuzu is happily attempting to force his curls into anything buy frizzy perm whilst somehow extracting information from Karin about her friends and her passion for football. He shares an anecdote on a girl similar to her who enjoyed playing 'Kick the Can' with her friends. Ichigo thinks there's more to that story, but he doesn't ask. With men like that the 'more' is more often than not painful.

His father is watching, fascinated.

When it is time to leave, Ichigo brings him to the door. "You got somethin' precious there, kid", he says as he secures the blue scarf Urahara gave him around his neck. "Don't forget that this is where you belong at the end of the day."

He leaves with that, a serene figure of loneliness beneath the moonlight as Ichigo watches wand realises that the man had relived painful, but sweet memories tonight. He wonders who the girl kicking the can was. Ichigo also realises that he managed to get more information out of Karin than Ichigo has in the past months. He's not heard of this Hayato-kun she speaks of so familiarly until an hour ago. He's not realised that Yuzu likes curly hair that much.

They have a family day that Sunday and Ichigo alonst gets tired of Yuzu's inquiries after 'Sakata-san' – how the man deserves that honorific, Ichigo doesn't know – and Karin's subtle eyeing whenever she does.

He brings Sakata and somehow oddly enough Urahara to dinner during the week. The girls are delighted, his father is holding an actual conversation without running to his wife's portrait and Ichigo knows this won't be the last time they have dinner like this.

 **Ichigo**

Their first spar is frustrating. Ichigo can see the blatant difference in skill. Even when Ichigo is in Bankai Gintoki does little more than ruthlessly capitalise on every opening Ichigo has. He does not hold back, waiting for Ichigo to adapt and slowly rise to the challenge the man presents. No, Gintoki beats him down.

Ichigo knows he's been very lucky so far.

Gintoki comes at him hard and fast and Ichigo knows he'd be on par with Urahara in 'serious-mode', though they'd never fight, in favour of a different kind of physical exertion instead.

Shinji teases him about it mercilessly days later when Gintoki is upstairs reading his manga like the little boy he is at heart. Then Shinji manages to coax Gintoki into a spar aswell, with much bribing and promising payment in as many strawberry milks as he can carry. He gets his arse handed to him.

The storeowner's face as the two grown men buy strawberry milk for an army is hilarious.

 **Ichigo**

Surprisingly enough it is Gintoki who saves Ichigo's arse from total annihilation by Aizen's Hogyoku-powered attacks. He manages to fend of Gin as they retreat and Ichigo would swear that the ever-creepy grin on Gin's face was muted, if not turned upside-down momentarily.

 **Ichigo**

When it's Ikkaku and Yumichika's turn to patrol Kuakara Town they find an old friend at Urahara Kisuke's Shouten. They manage to get Gintoki to go out for drinks with them and Ichigo almost envies their easy camaraderie, but he knows it is born from decades, if not centuries of friendship.

 **Yamamoto**

The Captain Commander of the Gotei13 eyes the silver haired Vizored closely. While he employs only a very undistinguished version of Zanjutsu and is masterfully adept at Shunpo, he does not make use of Kido or even Shikai. He supposes it is partly due to the lack of education, but with as much experience under his belt as he has, he knows to spot a healthy connection between Zanpakutou and wielder. He suspects the silver haired man and his sword are quite content to be as they are.

He can only hope they come to their senses.

… (a while later) …

They did not come to their senses.

The Captain Commander sent both Shunsui and Juichiro to prod him into discovering his sword's name. Turns out he knew it all along, but never bothered to call it since he figured it was 'part of his soul' or something along those lines. His sword seemed to be in agreement with him.

Shikai was another piece of work for the two aged captains to make him work for. Yamamoto was half-amused that Urahara played no small role in bribing him into it.

After that both Shunsui – who apparently found a wonderful drinking partner in the man – and Juichiro – who came to find the unassuming presence of him soothing – professed their reluctance to leave the Vizored in exile. The Captain Commander set about subtly tweaking the law to allow the Vizored within the Gotei13.

Also, Juichiro found a cure for his illness in strawberry milk.


	3. Chapter 3

GINTAMA BLEACH X-OVER

 **Gintoki**

They're not very good at being stealthy, these shinigami. Not very good at anything, really, if human teenagers have to go and do their job. It's not like their probabilities of success were any good, either. Honestly. This is why they can't have nice things.

Gintoki, for instance, knows when to keep out of a fight and when not. Which is why he gets to have a fantastic sex life and even better access to strawberry milk, since people keep trying to spar with him and he won't accept until they agree to his conditions. It's a lot like the Yorozuya, only the Shinsengumi are missing and, well, obviously he's still waiting on Kagura and Pattsuan. But apart from that (which Kisuke says is an anomaly in itself that he can remember his past life) he's doing well for himself. Or Kisuke is. Because Gintoki is kind of free-loading off of him.

The man doesn't seem to mind, though.

In any case, these kids suck at stealth and Gintoki has been having more fun here than since the last time he beat up Takasugi. Only, no one can give him a challenge, which kind of sucks, now that he thinks about it. And it's not like he's not looking out for one either. He thought this was supposed to be the castle of the king, the fortress of the insane would-be conqueror, but they have yet to encounter opposition. With how sucky these kids are at stealth...

Mad laughter echoes through the hallway. Gintoki... has heard that laugh before. It's too obnoxious to forget. For once in his second life he doesn't crash the party Sakamoto is throwing, though.

Carrot-top does.

It feels a little like the old days with this spitfire about, only, y'know, the rest of the lot is missing.

The kid storms into a large hall full of arrancar. It actually looks like they're having a get-together and are hanging out. Only, most of them are the moody loner types. In the light of this, Sakamoto is not to be overlooked. Can't be, the way he's making an arse of himself. Suddenly, Gintoki is acutely aware of how much he's missed the sight. Not that Sakamoto's gotten any less ugly. His arrancar form has sunglasses, which is just as ridiculous as he is.

Ichigo zeroes in on someone with blue hair who looks equally delighted to see him if the growling is anything to go by and leaves Gintoki to stare at his old friend. Which is what he does. Sakamoto looks his way and gives no indication whether he recognises him or not. Gintoki still stares, then he says, quietly, "Tatsuma."

Sakamoto, the little shit, laughs obnoxiously, elbows someone who has suspiciously long glossy hair and spreads his arms wide. "Kintoki", he begins, Gintoki is next to him that very instant. "It's not Kintoki, It's Katsura."

Catchy, that. But he uses it mostly to see whether it actually is Zura. And on cue, "Zura jia nai, Katsura da."

He is holding something that looks suspiciously like a joi meeting. He wonders if that means the Shinsengumi is in Soul Society. Although he wouldn't have missed the majora (he'd smell the sacrilege of coating anything with the horrid substance) or Souchiro (he's been by every dango stand he could find and there was no sleep mask in sight) or even the Gorilla (because Gintoki does in fact have a nose, which is also why he hasn't found the Madao). So, since he's found both Sakamoto and Zura with their respective followers, where is Takasugi?

Zura actually looks at him, then "Ah, finally, our joi figurehead has finally joined us! The Shiroyasha, my comrades!"

They suddenly all look awed and scramble to hold up welcome banners. This is all eerily familiar. Gintoki contemplates running, but has a better idea. "Hey Strawberry-kun, they've been waiting for you, look!"

This startles the two brawling idiots so much that Ichigo simply leaves the other moron behind and comes over to read the banners. "But I'm not Shiroyasha, Sakata", he says is so confusedly that Gintoki almost thinks it's cute. He reminds him a little of Pattsuan, only he's both more and less fun to rile up. His words are not heeded by the ecstatic joi-arrancar.

"Ooh, Gintoki, you have already recruited more young and noble warriors for our cause. I see waiting for you has paid off", Zura says seriously, as always, and the joi cheer. It's a little dissonant and someone lets loose a cero in the excitement which starts a fight in which Sakamoto's lot join eagerly. It's a little like the old times when they went and took down the space pirates together. Ichigo looks a little lost there. He obviously needs to see more proof before he believes that Zura is plotting to overthrow the alien government of insane megalomaniacal shinigami.

How odd, Gintoki would've thought he'd jump at the chance of getting the mousey-haired shinigami with a god complex out of power.

Suddenly, the blue haired idiot Ichigo was fighting before he came over is behind them. He's also very confused. Gintoki wonders why everyone but Kisuke seems to be so slow on the uptake around here. Seriously, it's like they all have nothing but 'must establish dominance as alpha male' on their minds. He doesn't mind Shunsui or his fellow strawberry milk drinker, but the rest of the lot are hopeless. Ikkaku and Yumichika especially.

"Hey, fight me!", the blue haired monkey says, "I've gotten stronger since the last time!"

Uh, how about no? He's busy figuring out how he's going to establish communications between Zura and Kisuke so they can actually hatch a successful coup. A propos, where is Elizabeth?

So he makes use of the brawling joi patriot arrancars in front of him. "This one is not worthy of fighting the Shiroyasha, yet he has challenged him!", that is, apparently, all he needs to say, because the monkey is swallowed up in the mass of bodies. Ichigo stares at Gintoki a little. Just a little.

"Where have the Kihetai gone?", Sakamoto asks and Gintoki has the creeping suspicion that Takasugi has gone ahead and launched an attack on the oppressor already, with the way the ground shakes.

They charge, one laughing like an idiot, one looking ridiculously noble with his glossy hair, one an orange-haired kid with too much power and Gintoki. It's a good feeling, whatever it is spreading through his chest.

 **Ichigo**

Sakata has such weird friends.

Ichigo can't get used to how over the top they are. And still, Yuzu likes the one with the nice wig, his dad thinks the one with the obnoxious laugh is hilarious and Karin has taken to following the moody one around. So maybe, just maybe they're alright. Just…

"Ha? Says the one with the butterflies on his mask!", shouts a childish Sakata.

"They're artful, you numbknuckle!", the moody one shouts back, "I wouldn't expect someone with a _perm_ to understand."

"Come on, guys", the laughing madman says, trying to play the mediator, "Can't we all just-"

Two fists strike him in the face and they simultaneously shout, "NO!"

Ichigo tries to determine whether he can go check on the guy or if there's still a danger-zone. A moment later it turns out, there isn't and the moody one stomps off moodily. Karin trails him conspicuously.

Gintoki flops onto the couch with a huff.

And Kisuke just won't stop laughing.

 **Yamamoto**

Shunsui and Juichiro know something. He's sure of it. There is no way they can't know, but they _won't tell him_. Which is inexcusable.

The amount of time they both spend in that Vizored's company is alarming. They're there more often than not. Shunsui's squad is fine, they've dealt with continuous absences often enough, but the eleventh… They are acting very suspiciously like they are competent without their captain.

It seems he must investigate.

He'll send Kuchiki-taichou to find out more.

 **Byakuya**

The human realm is just as he remembers it. A little dirtier than Soul Society, a little louder and the smells are just as pungent. He's a little horrified to have to return. But, Yamamoto-soutaichou was very clear in his orders. Byakuya is not to return until he has found out what is going on.

Where, exactly, he didn't say, but Byakuya suspects it has to do with Kurosaki Ichigo and his ragtag band of ryoka friends. And Urahara. He's got his fingers knitting too many webs for him not to have spun a thread here.

He doesn't expect to find any arrancar. But he does and they are _playing with two little girls_. And Kurosaki is watching. Calmly.

"I couldn't believe it the first time, either", Ukitake-taichou says from beside him, where Bykuya barely felt him coming. Only the whisper of his clothes gave him away. Clothes that are not his Shinigami garb. Which means he's in a gigai. Which means he's been spending and intending to spend much time in the human realm. Which is worrying.

But… he looks healthy.

"Gin-chan has such interesting friends", Kyoraku-taichou says from his other side. Now him, Byakuya did not sense at all, but with Ukitake-taichou's arrival, he was expecting the man to not be far behind.

"Who're you calling my friend?", one of the arrancar whom Byakuya has not seen before, suddenly asks from behind Kyoraku-taichou. He has a butterfly on his mask. And only one eye. Which is… unfortunate. It looks a little like Soi-Fong got him in the face. Byakuya does not say that. Although without Abarai-kun there to voice his rude opinions, he has the sudden urge to do so.

He does not give in.

"Ma, Takasugi-chan, I know you and Gin-chan have a lot of issues to sort out, but-", there is the clash of swords and off they are, sparring at a speed Byakuya has not seen since Shihouin Yoruichi left the Gotei 13.

A chuckle from beside him. There is something missing. A fit of coughs is missing. Byakuya shakes himself out of it.

"So, the Soutaichou sent you to investigate."

He nods slowly.

"You might consider not reporting to him for a while, Kuchiki-taichou."

Byakuya looks at him.

"Just wait and see. Urahara-san is about to arrive."

Byakuya watches with growing fascination and a little horror as the exile and the arrancar with the long hair line out battle strategies. It seems there are quite a few arrancar unhappy with their current government. Which is a happy convenience. Byakuya is suspicious.

Gin-chan, Kyoraku-taichou said.

His train of thought is interrupted by someone ambling up to Ukitake-taichou and handing him a carton of something. There are strawberries depicted on it. Rukia has told him of this ingenious contraption of the humans. Is this a juice-box?

"Thank you, Gintoki-kun", Ukitake-taichou says and Byakuya flicks his eyes over the man. Silver perm, dead fish-eyes and a pinky in his left nostril. His yukata hangs oddly over his frame and Byakuya has the sneaking suspicion that it is so on purpose. He does his best not to make a face.

The man stares at Byakuya unflinchingly without expression. Byakuya stares back.

"Ooh, staring match", someone says and laughs obnoxiously. It's the most vile sound Byakuya has ever been forced to hear.

"A contest worthy of our attention. Not many can give the Shiroyasha a decent fight", were the voice not speaking of what it is, Byakuya might have thought there was one decent person amongst the assembled.

Someone yelps, then: "Hey, Byakuya, long time no see."

Byakuya turns incredulous eyes upon Kurosaki. Does he still have no manners?

"Aw", a girl says, "And here I thought, finally he'd met his match."

A… duck-like creature is holding up a sign. "He has yet to beat me!"

"Elizabeth, you two have never had a contest, but it is a good idea! Everyone, we must gather the men, we shall have a tourney. They must all know what it means to contend in a staring match!"

Byakuya contemplates whether insanity is contagious.


	4. Chapter 4

**Takasugi**

He is not afraid of the girl. That would be laughable.

He just doesn't like it when people follow him around. It's very irritating. Almost as irritating as the perm-face and his ridiculous… lover? They are lovers, right? Who would want to be in that kind of situation with Gintoki of all people? Seriously, what…

The girl is irritating.

And following him _everywhere_. If the bathroom didn't have a lock, he's sure she'd be there with him, watching him take a shit. Not, that he does that in an odd fashion, he does nothing in an odd fashion. Screw what Gintoki said! The perm-head doesn't know shit.

At least he can take out his frustrations on that drunken Shinigami Gintoki seems to have adopted along with a few others. It's like Kabukichou all over again. Only with Shinigami. Who he doesn't hate exactly, but they remind him so much of the amantou taking over their government sometimes. Which is why he's in the human world to gather allies to overthrow that idiot who thought it would be a good idea to make himself king over a species not his own. If he'd done it in Soul Society, Takasugi wouldn't care one wit. But he's done it in his new home.

So the bastard needs to die.

 **Byakuya**

He… is being delayed. Purposefully so.

And he doesn't mind overly much.

Because juice boxes are a marvel and he has to try every flavour. Every flavour.

Soutaichou did say not to return until he found out everything.

 **Kisuke**

Gintoki has a bloody past. More bloody than Kisuke's own, in some ways. With more betrayal in it. But he has friends who will not only die for him, but live for him, too. Very competent friends. Who also remember their past.

Too bad Gintoki likes them so much. Except for Butterfly-kun. But he would miss him, so there is nothing Kisuke can do.

In any case, the preparations for the Arrancar's coup d'état are going well, Yamamoto Soutaichou is sending them more and more captains with surprisingly easy weaknesses to exploit and Kisuke has his mind occupied.

And body.

 **Ichigo**

There isn't much that would throw him for a loop any more. Not with so many Shinigami and Arrancar about. Not with Sakata around.

But the appearance of a spiritually aware girl dressed in red to match her hair carrying around an umbrella and speaking with a fake Chinese accent… throws him for a loop.

She is wilful and strong, kicks Hollow ass and has made friends with Karin. Under the name of Hayato-kun. Which is just…

In any case, she is a disturbing individual on par with Sakata. That observation holds true, even when they first meet.

Watching the ever unsurprised man go still at the sight of her is something Ichigo will never forget. Seeing her eyes widen and a huge smile break out in her face is nothing short of heart warming. They proceed to hug, then he gets the shit kicked out of him until he offers her some pickled seaweed.

Then, she is greeted by the one with the long hair as "Leader! We have been awaiting your arrival!" and a welcoming sign from the disturbing duck-man. The weird one just laughs obnoxiously. The moody one just 'tsk's and turns away. Which prompts her to attempt to kick the shit out of him, too.

 **Gintoki**

Only Pattsuan is missing. The Shinsengumi will turn up sooner or later, he's sure of that, but Pattsuan is _missing_.

Can't be too long now.

Not with Kagura here, having invaded Kisuke's bedroom to sleep curled up next to Gintoki. Not with them getting along through card-games and pickled seaweed which Kisuke keeps on stock.

Can't be long.

… (a while later) …

So Pattsuan went and did the least sensible thing ever and enlisted in the Shinigami Academy. Gintoki proceeds to sign him out and kidnap him to the living world.

Neither Shunsui, nor Joichirou say anything. Byakuya doesn't seem to register much beyond his juice boxes and if he does, he doesn't care.

 **Kisuke**

Watching Gintoki with his kids is the most adorable thing. And the most disturbing. But Kisuke can deal with disturbing. Has done his entire life, in fact.

He only mourns that he and Gintoki rarely have any alone-time together any more.

Until the Kurosaki family takes the kids on a trip with them.

And then they get themselves kidnapped. But they free themselves just as everyone arrives to break them out. So, all is well.

They are almost ready to usurp the usurper now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Yamamoto**

Further investigations into the state of the thirteenth prove that there is no need for a captain in that division presently. The reason appears to be a man of commendable charisma for someone resembling a primate as much as he does.

Him, and a set of irritating youngsters with penchants for attempting to murder each other.

Yamamoto feels nostalgic, watching them.

Not only has he given the structure of command in his eldest two captain's squads some thought (really, Shunsui just _had_ to gather women of considerable loyalty to each other with skills that would suit an infiltration unit perfectly, didn't he?), but also the continued absence of one of his most diligent captains.

A Kuchiki does not neglect his duties. There must be subterfuge of impressive calibre underway for the captain of the Sixth to remain in the human realm for as long as he has.

Urahara Kisuke and his irritant of a Vizored lover must have found something of profound interest to each and every captain to keep them where they are.

This delay is deliberate and the Soutaicho wonders just when things deteriorated so far in their society that people don't talk to each other any more.

 **Yumichika**

There is an elegance to what the former captain of the Twelfth and the arrancar concoct. So much so, that Yumichika considers derailing it by adding compatriots to the mixture. (One does not spend years in a squad with adrenaline addicts with no appreciation for the finer things in life and remain unsullied.)

… (a while later) …

Appreciation for the beauty of chaos is a requirement to join the Eleventh.

And, what else is as chaotic as inviting his squad to join an invasion on Hueco Mondo?

 **Yoruichi**

That pretty boy with the feathers in his eyelashes has the right idea.

Time to invite old friends to the party.

 **Byakuya**

If Byakuya had any appreciation for mayhem – that seems to be everyone else's speciality around these parts – he would find none of the interactions in this underground training facility of Urahara's vaguely disturbing.

Not in the way his second in command disturbs him sometimes with his… plebeian-ness.

No, they _are_ plebeian, but so very complex are the social structures revealing themselves before his eyes that he is almost tempted to abandon his juice box and listen very closely to the argument that seems to be in the process of being carried out through the now long-standing tradition of staring-contests. Byakuya has discovered that one can indeed hear these non-verbal arguments, if one is close enough. (And the audience can never keep their mouths shut, which is amusing. He almost feels like he's at home with all the gossiping.)

However, the power of the juice box is superior.

 **Gintoki**

Otose… is a man.

She owns a bar everyone with a gigai now frequents. Gintoki can't stop laughing every time he sees her moustached face.

Tama, dear god, Tama is a super nerd. With no recollection of who she used to be. Which is sad. But, she's not changed a bit.

... (a while later) …

If he'd known just how many idiots were itching for a proper fight in the Gotei 13, he might have considered joining in his more bloodthirsty years.

As it is, he's glad they are only now converging into a tidal wave that will sweep away any resistance on the unprepared Arrancar's part. Shunsui's division consists of quite a few familiar faces from Yoshiwara. And, dear god, Hinowa is _terrifying_ with a sword and two workable legs. Very workable legs. If Gintoki wasn't so certain that Kisuke is the most dangerous man in existence, currently, he might not be able to keep his eyes from wandering her way.

Tsukuyo, well, he's never noticed the similarities between her and Takasugi with their pipes and colourful kimono/yukata. They are both also far more violent when drunk, and when it comes to expressing affection… well, Gintoki's just not going to think about that.

He'll concentrate on the meeting, sort of. Since battle strategies always go to shit anyway, and he improvises with the helpful powers of bloodlust and friendship. Those go together surprisingly well.


End file.
